November, has been rough. I feel like I have been put in the washing machine, stuck on spin cycle and then now hung out to dry. I am hoping that December gives me some reprieve but I am not sure it will, I guess we will have to see, right?
I had a dream a couple nights ago where I found a rat in my laundry room. I don't remember what color it was but apparently that matters when it comes to dream interpretation. I honestly don't even remember the rest of the dream just the rat. I figured out pretty quickly not a good thing when you have a rat in your dream. I looked up the meaning of having a rat in your dream and several of the interpretations I think hit the nail right on with some things going on in my life. Funny how that works. I have always been fascinated by dreams and the meanings behind them.
From Dreammoods.com, "To see a rat in your dream signifies feelings of doubts, greed, guilt, unworthiness and envy. You are keeping something to yourself that is eating you up inside. Or you have done something that you are not proud of. Alternatively, a rat denotes repulsion, decay, dirtiness, and even death. The dream may also be a pun on someone who is a rat. Are you feeling betrayed? "
I can honestly say that I have been feeling very doubtful, greedy, guilty....especially as we move into the holidays. I see how truly blessed we are with our faith, health, family, food, drink, possessions and think of all the others that have nothing. It sometimes consumes me. I try not to let it. But it is so hard not to. And then I feel like I am slipping back into my "comfort zone" and I don't want to. I feel it, the need, the drive, to mix it up a bit, to stretch myself, my family, I am just trying to figure out how and who it will impact the most. I need direction. I feel a little bit lost. Such an unnerving feeling this is.
As I was sitting there last night, kids playing quietly for awhile, I read some more of Kisses from Kate. Have you read that book? I have heard lots and lots about it, about her, so I finally started reading it and so far, WOW, amazed by the work she has done in Uganda over the past couple years. She is an amazing young person! And that is putting it lightly.
I also finished Crazy Love by Francis Chan (a couple months ago). I had a blog post almost done about it and never published it (not sure why; maybe I should just release it in its current raw form). Another amazing person but on a different level. This book really makes you take stock as to who you are as a Christian. It really spoke to me and helped drive those rats into my dreams I think. LOL. I don't want to be a lukewarm Christian. I KNOW I have a higher calling and don't want to live the status quo Christian life. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with status quo, for some. It is just not for me. I pray that GOD reveals his plans soon. It is so darn hard being patient. You know.
So this weekend, we are heading out to get our Christmas tree. Most likely from a nearby tree lot since we have grown out of the trapsing around in the mud, out in the boonies, cutting down our own. I know not much fun but who said I was fun. LOL. I will break out the decorations and hopefully be able to get the house decorated for the Christmas holidays. Tyler has his first basketball tournament of the season so we will be there for a big chunk of the weekend too. He is playing for an Oregon Prep team which only has tournaments every other weekend. Plus he is on the 8th grade team at school and those games start this week. Phew. If it isn't football, it is basketball. But it is all good because he loves it, is good at it, keeps him active and out of trouble.
Ok, now I am just rambling. I think I am going to go for now.
What do you have on the agenda for this weekend?
Have you got your Christmas tree? Real or fake?