It hit me this morning.
Like a TON of bricks.
I have known for the last two months that time was approaching quickly but I think with making the final payment yesterday, it is real. No turning back. Not that I would but....it is really happening.
I am going to Ethiopia in just over a month. I will be gone for 13 days. 10 days in Ethiopia and 2 in Amsterdam plus flight time.
I broke down driving into work this morning. Crying. Crying out of happiness for what lies ahead. Crying out of sadness for I will miss my family tremendously.
I know I will be back but I have never been away from my husband or kids for this long. I know it is for a good reason. I know they see that. I know they are happy for me for this opportunity. But it still doesn't make it hurt any less.
I will miss giving my husband a kiss goodnight when he comes home and I am half asleep or goodbye in the early mornings when he is still half asleep. I am going to miss a couple weeks of date nights. Just him and I, a good meal and a movie or just hanging out. I am going to miss the smell of his cologne that still lingers in his tshirts that I often times will wear to bed. I will miss the snuggling and soft kisses on my neck at night.
I am going to miss the routine of putting my baby girl down to bed. We always touch her flowers that hang from her ceiling and then when I lay her down in her crib we always stroke the soft bumper and I rub her blankie on her face a few times. Talk to her for a few minutes, tell her I love her and tuck her and her baby in under her blankie. She is such a good sleeper. I walk out of her room, shut the door halfway behind me and typically never hear a peep out of her til the morning. I will miss her bringing me a book each evening to read to her. "Booook" she says and she toddles to me with it and climbs up into my lap. And of course I will miss her wet kisses and tight hugs. And her pitter pat around the house saying "Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom." (or "Hun" which is her new favorite word).
I am going to miss my little bundle of energy Hayden, always getting into mischief. His little antics of getting into everything. I mean EVERYTHING. What am I going to do with myself. I am not going to have to follow him around for almost two weeks. Hehehe. I am going to miss his snuggling and him twirling my hair when he is winding down for the evening when it is just he and I hanging out watching American Idol. (Did you watch it last night?). I am going to miss his doe eyes and long eye lashes that he bats at just the right time (when he knows he is in trouble). I am going to miss my heart melting when he says, "Mom, I love you so so much".
I am going to miss my teenager, Tyler. His dancing around the house and being goofy. I think I might even miss a few of his basketball games. (We don't have a schedule yet so not certain). I am going to miss having to nag him to do his chores or homework (I am sure he will not miss that). I am going to miss his tenderness he has with the little ones. He is always loving and hugging on them. He is such a great big brother. I am going to miss our one and one talks that we don't do enough anymore. Instead he would rather hide out in his room and listen to music or text his friends.
And last but not least, although our oldest is no longer at home, I will miss her just popping in to hang out for a little bit (usually around dinner time). I will miss her bringing her new black lab puppy, Bailey, over to visit even though the last time I dog sat, Bailey decided to chew one of Kaylyn's shoes and pee on my carpet (she was excited apparently). I will miss the phone calls for advice or just to vent about something.
Like a TON of bricks. It hit me.