Rest In Peace

 tWitch Boss. You were such a light to so many. If you only knew how many people adored you. Maybe you did and it still was not enough. Nobody will ever know.

May you Rest In Peace.

This makes me so sad.

I loved watching him on SYTYCD way back when and then seeing him do so many other things through the years. Watched his wife and him on TikTok occasionally with their kids, dance skits, etc.

This is just another example of you never know what people are going through....BE KIND ALWAYS.

And if you are struggling, PLEASE try your hardest to reach out to friends, family, counselor, doctor, teacher...988. You matter! You are worth it!

Don't do something that will be permanent for a temporary setback. Everything is fixable.

Note: If you or any of your loved ones are struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can always reach out to the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling 988. They are available 24/7 by phone or online chat.

Confessions of A Non-Superwoman #32

Hi! Long time, no see. I would say it has been a hot minute since I have been around these parts, but I digress, I think that is how I started my last confessional post back in September 2020.  Wow! 

IT.HAS.BEEN.AWHILE. 

How have you been?  Survive Covid, I hope. Now right into winter flu season, RSV and a recession...fun times, right? Man, can you believe these prices. Gas. Groceries. Interest rates. Which is a good segway into my confessions.

1. I sent my husband to the store the other day for groceries, trying to save a buck or two so off to Winco he went....OMG! (Sorry I CAN NOT shop at Winco myself, too many people, bagging my own groceries. No. Just. No.)  Well.... that was a mistake for sure.  No savings where had. He even had a list, a specific list. And....$195.03 later! Eggs, $5.08 for 18 pack. Like, what the fudge? Chickens on strike?  (Looks like just good old inflation, supply chain issues that we are STILL dealing with and Bird Flu outbreak)

2.  We SOLD our house and moved to another state this past summer. Yup! It was thought through, not just on a whim. BUT, it seems we sold right at the moment that the bubble burst for sellers and interest rates started climbing for buyers. SOOOOO here we are living in an apartment in a new state for at least a year. It is all good, really, we have a roof over our head, and we are in the same state as my oldest daughter which makes me do the HAPPY dance.

3.  Part of the reason why I have not been around prior to our move was because quite honestly, depression was just kicking my ARS. When my dad passed away in March 2021, I had a bit of a breakdown to say the least which also turned into finding out some things about my own health. (I will probably share more on that story another time). And getting out of bed, keeping a couple kids alive, was pretty much all I could muster up the energy for. So, I apologize. 

4.  This year we did a fake tree. Yes, there I said it. A FAKE Christmas tree. I know I will probably lose a few friends over this. LOL. Although, I miss the smell of the pine, I do not miss the mess that comes with it. ALL.THE.PINE.NEEDLES. 

Have you seen the Ikea Christmas tree meme floating around out there?  LOL.  

5. My youngest daughter pretty much decorated our house on her own. She brought the bins in from garage, pulled out the decorations, put together the tree, put out all of the decorations on counters, windowsill, etc....while the oldest son (who was in town for a visit), and I watched Million Dollar Listings. Yeah, not super proud BUT, what do you do. She was much more efficient than I would have ever been on that day.  (In my defense, we do usually decorate and put up the tree as a family but this year we were all just not totally into it for whatever reason). 

Hope your holiday season is going well, whatever you celebrate. AND real or fake tree, I will still be your friend!

Any confessions on your part?  Remember this is a safe space for all. No judgement, we actually celebrate imperfections!!

Even If Mundane {For Lack Of Motivation}

 To Do List. Got to love'em, right?  Ha! Not!

BUT I do however make them almost EVERY.SINGLE.DAY because if I don't well...complete and utter lack of motivation (Thank you depression).  AND I literally put almost everything I can think of that needs to be accomplished each day on that list. 

SERIOUSLY.

Even the most mundane items. Like "Throw Out Old Produce." Seems like something like that would be second nature NOT.FOR.ME.  Reminders are good AND when I have a list of say 10-15 line items that include some of those easy, peasy simple tasks...I can mark those off pretty quickly AND then BAM!  Productivity! Yes, it is a mind Jedi trick I play on myself. So when I am able to scratch off say only 5 line items, I feel, I feel accomplished. I feel more motivation. I feel like I have been productive...even if only the slightest bit. Try it. (and the other items, they will carry over into the next day because tomorrow is a new day).

You're welcome! 

Life Hack {For Depression}

 If you suffer from depression, like I do...there are days, many days in the week,  that I can barely function and get out of bed..but I do because well...LIFE.

With that in mind, I have learned to keep a routine. It is a pretty simple routine but routine never the less.

1) Set alarm to get up at the same time EVERY.DAY (even if you really don't need to get up nor have any place to go)

2) Get out of bed.

3) Take a shower.

4) Get dressed.

5) Do your hair, put make up on, etc

See now that wasn't that hard. I know when I do the above it helps me get out of the funk and SHOW UP...Maybe not for the whole day but it definitely helps set me up for some success in the morning hours. AND that is progress! 

What life hacks do you have to help with your depression?

Photo Credit 

I Am...

 I Am....

---a beautiful blooming lotus gracefully appearing above the murky waters.

---a phoenix rising from the red hot smoldering ashes.

--a volcano simmering ready to erupt.

--a sparrow taking flight high above the trees.

--a lion pacing side to side waiting to attack its prey.

I Am...

--beautifully broken yet wonderfully made.

Photo Credit

{Real Life} Authentic

When I say authentic, what do you think? 

People that speak the truth?  No hiding behind a vail of perfectness or autonomous?

People that are transparent? Putting it all out there, the good, the bad, the ugly?

People who say what they mean and mean what they say?

Here is the dictionary.com definition of authentic.

au·then·tic

/ɔˈθɛntɪk/ Show Spelled [aw-then-tik]   

adjective

not false or copied; genuine; real: an authentic antique.

Genuine.  I forgot Genuine.

I wrote a blog post the other day about the depression that I suffer with and it was as authentic as they come.  Although, it is not something that I have hidden as I have written about it before, it is not something that I write about all the time; I have not let it consume me or this blog. 

Does that make me not authentic? 

The reason why I ask is because I try to keep it real on this here blog sharing a lot of the good, the bad, the ugly (hence many of my confessional posts) but there are things that again although I share at times, I don't dwell on them in this medium.  I don't even share them with everyone in my real life circle.  I don't however want people to think I am not authentic because I am not always sharing that part of me NOR do I write about it (battling depression) for sympathy either.  I know I am not the only one.  I write it so people can gain that connection with me; see that I am just like many of you out there and if I help someone, support someone or someone supports me along the way; win-win. 

My life is not perfect.  No ones is.  We all have our demons.  Some of us battle with physical illness, mental illness, money issues, relationship issues, self esteem issues, body image, addiction in one form or another...you name it.    Even those who we see with the most glamorous life.  We only see what they want us to see (RIP Cory Monteith).  I can go on and on but won't. I think you get the picture.

We, you and me, we are similar.  We are not SUPERWOMAN.  I know I have said that a million times before on this blog over the past couple years, kind of the premise of the blog....to shatter the stereotypes, that although we think we can have it all and do it all, that is OUR expectations (not necessarily that of others as so clearly pointed out a couple days ago by a dear friend), but when it comes right down to it, most of us can't or don't...something is going to suffer and we have to accept that.  The way I see it is as long as the important things are taken care of i.e. your faith in GOD, your family, your health, that is what really matters.  That is what I am trying to do.  Everything else aside. 



Need some support?  What do you suffer from?  If you don't feel comfortable leaving a comment; private email me at iamnotsuperwoman at yahoo.com.


P.S. I truly am sorry about all the heavy {Real Life} posts lately....they have been weighing me down.  Wait no, I'm not...it is what it is.  Read it, digest it, think about it, comment on it or not.  It is up to you.

{Real Life} The "D" Word

It sneeks up on me, like a cat ready to pounce.  I don't see it coming and before you know it is is there.  It is back with a vengence.  I'm just going along minding my own business and it decides to rear its ugly head, uninvited.  All was going swimmingly well, so I thought...then I get in a rut, a funk if you will.  Living like a hermit.  Doing what I need to do, just to get by.  Nothing more.  Invites come, turned down, don't feel all that much like socializing. 

So unmotivated. Tired. Even lethargic at times. Crabby. Anxiety ridden and so easily overwhelmed by normal day to day tasks.  All hope sometimes seems lost.  Alarm goes off and all I want to do is just pull the covers back over my head and sleep the day away.  I so would if I could sometimes.  But I don't.  I roll out of bed, trudge through the day; 7 days a week.  Pretending. 

Go to work, do my job.  Put on a happy face.  Come home, run errands, work some more, take care of the kids, cook dinner, clean up, fall into bed if I am lucky around 10 or so.  Exhausted.  Weekends roll around, more housework, hours of it...no time to rest.  Still exhausted.  Repeat.

Time for medication again.  I was hoping I was over that hump but no such luck.  I thought I had it under control. I think I was just ignoring it, masking it. Pretending.  I was getting pretty good at that.

Depression.  Disgusting.