Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Don't Worry, Be Happy--Life With PPD

Wouldn't it be great if life was like a Bobby McFerrin song? I am whistling the tune as I am typing this.....Don't Worry, Be Happy!

Now, if only it were that simple.   

This is one of the most authentic posts I have done to date.  Although I am very real and honest on this blog probably more so than I should be at times, this happens to be about a struggle in my life that I have not wanted to share until now.  It's not that I don't trust you but rather for the longest time I was in denial and kept it to myself.  I kept "IT" from several people for that matter in my real world life.  I didn't want this blog to be about "IT" and I still don't.  I want this blog to remain upbeat, happy, humorous, empowering, encouraging, I could go on....Blogging about everything else has actually been quite therapeutic when it comes right down to it.  This is the one area of my life that I can essentially escape from "IT".

But as I have come to grips with "IT" I decided that perhaps with sharing my struggles here, in the blog world, to you, my loyal readers that maybe it will help someone else down the road recognize "IT", seek help for "IT", not be in denial and ashamed of "IT".

Sometimes it takes all the strength that I have to get out of bed in the morning.

Sometimes all I want to do is just be left alone.

Sometimes I get so overwhelmed by the simplest things.

Sometimes (more often than not) I can't sleep.

Sometimes nothing can make me happy.

Sometimes I feel hopeless.

Sometimes I just get anxious at the drop of a hat.

Sometimes logical thinking flies right out the window (fast) and emotion takes hold with a vengeance.

Sometimes I cry inconsolably for no apparent reason.

Sometimes I can't focus on the smallest tasks.

Sometimes my mood is erratic.  High, highs, low, lows.

Sometimes I walk around in a daze.

I have Postpartum Depression. 

I am the face of PPD.  An average woman in her mid 30's who has birthed 4 children (although you can have PPD even if you only birthed one child or 11 children; it does not discriminate by number of births or age for that matter).  I had no issues after the birth of my first two children.  I had a case of the "Baby Blues" with the birth of my 3rd child and full blown PPD with my 4th.  

I was ashamed for the longest time after being diagnosed with PPD.   I am not sure why though since I am in good company considering 8%-20% of all woman get it.  I think though for me personally I felt PPD was something that the *weak* get as stupid as that probably sounds.  I have always been on my game, a go getter, Type A, a year ago I was the first to say, "I got this!" and then THIS...PPD stopped me dead in my tracks.

I know many of you, my loyal readers, are pregnant or have recently given birth.  I want you to know some of the signs so you can be able to spot them before it goes too far.  There are so many woman that have "IT" but don't know it and/or don't seek help for it.  Seek help.  You are not alone. Talk about it.

I wish I had sooner rather than later.  I lost a good 6 months of my life that I can never get back.  I had Miss K in May 2010 but didn't go to Dr and get diagnosed with PPD until October 2010.  I suffered, my family suffered for almost 6 months.  Life was like a roller coaster but you could never get off the ride. 

I have since been prescribed an anti depressant which at first I was a bit scared to take because of all the side effects but at this point everything has leveled out and the side effects are very minimal.  Also, do your homework on the different types of anti depressants and their side effects because unfortunately just like most medications, there are many.  I actually went through a few different medications before we found the right one for me.  And if you think medication is not the route you want to go, there are many other holistic options available to help treat PPD.  Again, do your homework and be your own health care advocate.  Only you know what is right for you.

In the end, as much as I am still not fully comfortable, airing my dirty laundry here in the blog world for every one to see, I decided if ONE person reads this, sees the signs, seeks help, then it will be worth it.

As I stated earlier in my post, although now that I am *out* I may or may not talk about this on occasion however I WILL NOT let PPD control me any longer.  Nor will I let it control the content of my blog.

1 comment:

  1. I love, love, love this post!!! Because I, too, am a PPD survivor and I've shared my journey in graphic detail on my blog too with the hopes that maybe it might help even just one person.

    Good for you on getting it out there! It's such a horrible thing for someone to go through but I believe the more openly we talk about our own experiences, the more others will begin to feel more comfortable asking for help too.


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