Friday, February 25, 2011

Knock, Knock!

This post is based on Mama Kat’s Writing Workshop, prompt #5 – Watcha’ cookin? Share a recipe.   (I am using as part of a follow up to my Manic Monday, What's Your Story post).

This comes to us from my new blogger friend Miri over at Life After Push.  I ran across this *recipe* and was laughing til I cried and had to share, with her permission of course...Please take a few mins and show her some blog love.  You will not be disappointed.

Knock, knock!

Well, hello!  How are you?  So happy you stopped by.  We’re in the kitchen, cooking up a storm…

Oh really?  What’s cookin’?

Here, I’ll show you the recipe:

A Cauldron of Chaos

This recipe can only be made by one tired mother who has:
  • one case of shingles – smear across left cheek
  • one case of strep throat – make sure it doesn’t show on the first culture so that it really gets to stew before the antibiotics arrive
Do you qualify?  Good!  Now gather the rest of the ingredients:
  • a four month old who is starting to teeth
  • a twenty month old who loves to hide
  • a three year old with SPD
  • a four year old who’s learning to read
Take the twenty month old and add:
  • one case of the sillies – and make her giggle good
  • a dash of overtiredness – now send her around the house to empty every single bin of toys as you chase her in horror
  • super sweet kisses that make you melt
Put the three year old and the four year old in their room to:
  • turn one mattress on it’s side to make it a slide – bruised cheeks and chipped teeth are normal side effects
  • remove drawers and shelves from closets to build a house – all contents of said drawers will be used to recarpet the floor
  • take apart their window frame (!) – make sure you have wrought iron safety bars in first
Roll over the baby and watch her smile.
          Treck up the hill with the stroller and all the kids to the store to pick up the things you forgot to get yesterday.
Now, take another good look at the four year old’s eye.  Is that pus gushing out?
Grab the phone and add:
  • 2 frantic phone calls to discover that there is no eye doctor in the city today
  • 1 frantic call to discover that the only eye doctor in the next city who has an appointment today will only see children over 5 – she may have a secretary who will negotiate and get you a spot… in one hour and 15 minutes!
  • 8 frantic phone calls to find a babysitter who can come NOW
Look up the bus lines and discover that you will have to take a bus plus a cab each way, so you might as well just take one cab round trip for an extra $15.
Notice that you only have 2/3 of the cab fare.
Check the clock.  Less than an hour to get there.
Run out the door while the twenty month old screams hysterically and the four year old announces that his finger is bleeding.
Get in the cab and ask the driver for a tissue to stop the bleeding.
Beg the driver to take a check.
Take phone call from babysitter after 20 minutes that said twenty month old has not stopped crying – tell her where the lollypops are kept.
Discover that the office is in a REALLY bad part of town – hold that little hand tight!
Hold said four year old while doctor puts in eye drops, flips back lid, and inspects eye.
Nod head and stare blankly while receiving verdict – this may consist of ridiculous ideas such as putting medicine in child’s eye SIX times a day and keeping him home from school.
Arrive home and pop your second dose of antibiotics – if you are falling over and nauseous at this point, add some chocolate.
Fall into bed.
Anyway, that’s what’s cookin’ at our place.  What’s been cookin’ at yours?

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